Dearest Nancy Pelosi,

Can I call you "Nana" for short?

Nana, thank you so much for looking out for me. I am obviously too stupid to really know what is best for me and my family. I didn't really like the health insurance I had. I thought I did...but I guess I really didn't, because you told me I shouldn't. And Nana knows best!

I'm glad that you will now be affiliated, as you said, with the "greats" who helped pass Social Security and Medicare. Yes, we all know how fabulous those federal programs are and how successful and deficit-friendly they've been. Tremendously so. You deserve to be affiliated with them--as you asked for.

I appreciate that you didn't bother to worry about the fact that nationalized healthcare has never really been successful anywhere it's been tried. When has that ever been a reason not to try? Only losers quit, right? Winners keep trying. Over and over...and over. Because that's what feels good inside. I feel good inside...do you now, Nana?

And deficits? Who the heck cares about deficits? Only accountant dorks in their green glasses!

Thanks for making it so that abortions can now be paid for with my taxpayer money. The last thing this world needs is more girls being "punished" by babies. Isn't that what our revered leader, Barack Obama told us? He's so wise.

Thanks for not listening to all those dumb, stupid, ignoramuses who showed up at all those silly townhall meetings, jammed the Congress' phone lines, and stood outside the Capitol for hours on end to express their dismay with what you were trying to do. It takes real leadership to tell those idiots to "shove off" and do what you know is best. What's wrong with those people, anyway? Who are they to doubt you? When have you ever steered us wrong? Those dummies probably came straight from their farms in Arkansas!

And that whole Constitution thing? What an old-fashioned bother! Thanks for finding a way "under, over, through, and across it" so you could find a way to circumvent it. Your willingness to disregard two centuries of freedom and experience shows me how dedicated you are to me and my well-being. You love us. You really, really do.

You're not just the Speaker of the House. You're the Speaker of MY House. And everyone's house across the country.

Liberty is so overrated.

Thanks again, Nana. You're the best. We are so lucky to have you.

Love always (or at least until November),

Kami Norton

Marysville

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