North County Outlook - Community newspaper serving Marysville, Arlington, Tulalip, Smokey Point, Lakewood

By Pam Stevens
Editor 

Domestic violence is never OK, but why do women stay?

 


Last week our televisions, newspapers and computers were inundated with news regarding Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice and the video showing him punching his then fiancé, now wife, Janay Palmer Rice in an elevator on February 15.

Not only did the video show him punching her, he then dragged her unconscious body out of the Atlantic City hotel elevator.

The two were not married at the time but tied the knot the next day, even after both were charged with crimes for the incident. Janay’s charges were dropped at a later date.

Rice has been banned from the NFL and has also lost his contract with Nike over the incident, but it is interesting that none of this happened until TMZ leaked the video.

Janay is vehemently defending her husband both on social media and in interviews.

"To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his a** off for all his life just to gain ratings is a horrific [sic]. THIS IS OUR LIFE!" she posted on Instagram.

The two have entered marriage counseling and both say that their relationship is a work in progress but things are better.

The question that keeps popping into my mind is, why do women stay in abusive relationships?

In this situation Palmer wasn’t even married to him yet. Why did she say, “I do” the very next day? Only she knows the answers to these questions.

Blogger Beverly Golden, says that she too was abused by her husband and she so she created the hashtag #whyIstayed.

Dozens of women have used that hashtag, giving us a glimpse into why abused women stay in their relationships.

Here’s what some of them said:

“I was told marriage is forever. I didn’t want to be a failure.”

“because he said he would kill himself if I left.”

“because I didn't think I could do better. Surely he would get better if I just loved him enough, right?”

“I was embarrassed to admit to myself & family that I was a victim.”

“because i thought if i loved him enough he would stop being abusive.” However, this same women tweeted using the hashtag #whyIleft and stated, “because i knew he would kill me eventually.”

I have never been in an abusive relationship and I can’t imagine that I would ever allow any type of abuse in my home or relationship, but I firmly believe that no one really knows what they would do until they are in the situation themselves. That is obvious by the number of women who stay. I am sure that most of them never dreamed of a future where they were abused by someone they loved and yet they continued to stay with them.

Even though many women feel that there is a good reason to stay in abusive relationship it is NEVER OK to abuse another person. There is help for abused women, children and even men living within the walls of violence.

Locally you can contact Domestic Violence Services at 425-25-ABUSE (425-252-2873) or 1-800-562-6025. You can also call 911 for immediate help from local police.

If you know someone who is being abused, please do everything you can to help them get out of the situation.

 

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