Practical Parenting

by Crystal Linn

 

Crystal Linn is a childcare expert and a professional writer. She is co-founder of
C and C Educational Consultants, a Bothell-based company that works with childcare professionals and also offers children's workshops and parenting classes. Crystal enjoys reading mysteries, writing poetry and sailing. She would love to hear from you at candceducationalconsultants@gmail.com or at (206) 715-2505.

The dictionary defines bickering as: "To argue in a bad-tempered way about something unimportant."

While this is a good and logical adult definition, children look at bickering differently.

In a child's mind, there is always a reason for the bickering. However, a child may not have the needed vocabulary to explain the reasons why s/he feels the need to bicker with you or anyone else.

If we can understand the motivation behind the bickering, then it is easier to deal with the situation. This is true for any behavior in children. The biggest challenge is to figure out the 'why' behind the behavior.

Some of the reasons children bicker are jealousy, feeling left out, or feeling out-of-sorts. There are times bickering can be almost like a stress release for certain children. Remember, they are leaning to deal with emotions along with learning what the world expects of them.

Another big reason children bicker is because they are bored and can't figure out what to do.

The experts have a long list of solutions to the problem of bickering. Some of the items on the list are: separate the children; give the children consequence, such as doing extra chores; make the children apologize and do a project together. As you parents all know, some of these suggestions work, and some don't. It just depends on the individual child.

One technique I know of works 90 percent of the time. That is separation. Your children love being with you, even if it is just doing their own thing while being in the same room you are in. If the bickering does not stop, remove yourself from it.

If the children are old enough, you can leave and go into another room. Call a friend or relative to stay with your child for a while and go do something for yourself. Take the children to a childcare center for a few hours.

Regardless of how you choose to remove yourself from the bickering, the message you communicate to your child(ren) is: "I love you but will not be around this behavior." Within a short time the bickering should stop all together.

Again, you are the parent, and thus the expert on your child. Be creative and find the techniques that work for you.

To your parenting success,

Crystal

Quotable Parenting Quote:

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. David Frost