Practical Parenting

by Crystal Linn

 

Crystal Linn is a childcare expert and a professional writer. She is co-founder of
C and C Educational Consultants, a Bothell-based company that works with childcare professionals and also offers children's workshops and parenting classes. Crystal enjoys reading mysteries, writing poetry and sailing. She would love to hear from you at candceducationalconsultants@gmail.com or at (206) 715-2505.

As our parents live longer and society changes, they may need to move in with us. Here are things to consider for those of us facing this unique living arrangement.

Child's viewpoint: It is nice to have more adults around. If mom and dad are busy, a grandparent is usually free. It is nice to have the love and moral support of a grandparent. The only problem for the child is when a grandparent says something in conflict with what the parent would say. This creates confusion and the child often does not know how to respond.

Grandparents' viewpoint: They love their children and grandchildren, and appreciate spending quality time with them. Yet there is the grief of growing old and needing to be dependent, of losing one's independence. There can be the frustration of wanting to help but not knowing what is expected, and maybe of not being physically able to help as much.

Parents' viewpoint: There is the appreciation of the extra helping hands around the house, especially with the children, and of having an extra babysitter on occasion. Conflict arises when a grandparent undermines what the parents are teaching the children. There is the grief of watching a parent decline and needing more medical attention. Then there is the issue of limited privacy and the need for breathing space.

If you have a parent already living with you, plan a meeting without the children around and discuss the situation. Allow enough time to discuss everything. It may be wise to meet in a neutral place such as a restaurant or park. Establish guidelines so all adults can get their needs met. Before finishing the meeting, set a time (and place) for follow up.

If a parent will be moving in, have the meeting ahead of time and create guidelines to make it a win/win situation for everyone. In either situation, don't be afraid to discuss important topics like finances, religion and grandchildren rules.

These same thoughts work equally well for adult children with families moving back home into the grandparent(s) home.

To your parenting success,

Crystal

Community Corner:

Marysville Summer Day Camps are offering extended hours this year. Call (360) 363-8400 for details.

The Plant Farm at Smokey Point is offering a Kids Club: Good Bugs class on Sat., July 9, at 11 a.m. Call (360) 652-3351 for information.

Quotable Parenting Quote:

Children desperately need to know - and to hear in ways they understand and remember - that they're loved and valued by mom and dad [and grandparents]. Paul Smally