Practical Parenting

by Crystal Linn

 

Crystal Linn is a childcare expert and a professional writer. She is co-founder of
C and C Educational Consultants, a Bothell-based company that works with childcare professionals and also offers children's workshops and parenting classes. Crystal enjoys reading mysteries, writing poetry and sailing. She would love to hear from you at candceducationalconsultants@gmail.com or at (206) 715-2505.

Have you ever stopped to think about the words you use when you talk with a child? I hadn't until I became a childcare professional. Before that training, I used the same types of words that my parents, teachers and other adults had used with me and my siblings-not always with much success.

Children do not process words the same way we do. They interpret our words literally and then try to figure out the words they do not understand, for good or bad. Youngsters do not automatically understand satire or humor. Those are skills children develop as they learn more about vocabulary and different uses of language.

Another important fact is that children recall the last thing we say first. For example, if I were to say to a child, "Don't run," the child will translate that as, "Run, don't." So that child will continue running until his/her brain processes the "don't" portion of my statement. The good news is that there is an easy remedy for this.

I decide what behavior I want from the child and state that behavior clearly. When I say, "Don't run," the behavior I really want from the child is for that child to walk. So I 're-frame' my directions for that child by telling the child the desired behavior. By saying "Please walk" instead of "Walk, please," I know the child's mind catches the word "walk" first and can change his/her behavior sooner.

It took a long time for me to change how I talked with children. Finally I decided to make it a mental game for myself, which made it more fun and thus easier to change. Now it is much easier for me to say things like, "Please walk," "Keep your milk in the glass," and "Please put your hands down."

This technique works with children of all ages. It is very rewarding to see both the improved behaviors, without the nagging and the hassles, and to see older children changing the way they speak to younger children based on their observations of adult communication.

Quotable Parenting Quote:

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." Franklin P. Jones