Surviving Parenthood

by Kirk Kraft

Kirk Kraft of Marysville is married and the father of four children, all under 8 years old, in whom he takes great delight. He believes parenting is a journey filled with joyous peaks and difficult valleys, but it is also the greatest privilege in the world. He can be reached at kraftka@verizon.net.

A few months ago I wrote about the power of words and tone. I'd like to focus in a bit more on that alongside the subject of discipline.

My kids are just like any other; occasionally they will do things they know they should not do. This may result in consequences, depending on the infraction and severity. Their offenses range from something as simple as taking a toy from one of their siblings to talking back to me or my wife. The key for any parent is how you respond in the moment.

Sad to say, I don't always respond with a calm demeanor, though that is always my intention. We all know external things--lack of sleep, a long commute, friction in a relationship--can affect how we act with the ones we love. That being said, children are able to process what we say and then mimic it. It's vital that we transmit love and support even when in a moment of discipline.

Use it as a teaching moment, not a moment to blow off steam. If you feel anger rising up, which often has nothing to do with what the child has done but our own imperfections, take a break. Leave the room, but tell the child you will return to discuss a consequence. This will allow the child to see you aren't just reacting, but thinking before speaking, which is a tremendous lesson.

Require and dispense respect willingly. Help your kids understand the importance of respect. Don't limit this to just respecting you and your spouse or their siblings but include their friends and other people. Be sure to not tell them one thing and show them another. If you demand respect from them, you are responsible for returning that respect. Instead of flaming up when they misbehave, calmly instruct them. Help them understand why what they did was wrong and how they can try better next time. The lesson they receive from gentle but firm words will be valuable and you may be surprised how something so simple may bury itself within their character for years to come.

We all have our moments when we react in an angry tone, but to foster a child's growth we need to take extra time to discipline our children with a gentle spirit.