Surviving Parenthood

by Kirk Kraft

Kirk Kraft of Marysville is married and the father of four children, all under 8 years old, in whom he takes great delight. He believes parenting is a journey filled with joyous peaks and difficult valleys, but it is also the greatest privilege in the world. He can be reached at kraftka@verizon.net.

Today I would like to address the topic of encouragement. I touched upon this briefly a few columns ago when writing about the power of words. This is one topic that many people have written books about, so the ground has been well-covered. I still hope to provide some practical tips to regularly praise your children.

As parents, we struggle with a myriad of details and constraints every day. We have to get up, get ready for work, get the kids ready for school, take them to school and head to work, or jump headlong into the tasks awaiting us at home. Time best spent is the time we take to build up our kids. By acknowledging everything from the relatively small accomplishments to the large ones, our kids need to know they are loved. This comes about in how we speak to them and encourage them.

We can start with the simple example of school. My oldest daughter is ending her first grade year. As every child, she has had subjects at which she has excelled and others that have proven more challenging. I personally know that frustration in other parts of your life - your job, health issues, lack of time - can show itself in areas you wish it would not. While we seek to always encourage my daughter, whether she is doing great in every subject or struggling, it is challenging. Make it a priority to focus on the child, and not you and your adult expectations.

The child, even a teenager, is still learning many aspects of learning, not to mention life itself. Strive to be constructive and helpful. Get down on your child's level and listen to his or her own frustrations and struggles. Continue to be part of your children's lives every day, listening to what they have to say. This is crucial not only for you, but for them.

When I say listen, I don't mean let them talk but don't retain it. I mean really listen and hear them: their emotions, their excitement, their disappointments. Then, strive to be a parent who can come alongside them and help them see that life is full of so many wonderful things. Congratulate your child on a job well-done or for putting forth an impressive effort. Some of these reassurances are challenging and some days may be more difficult than others.

As with so many things in parenting, you won't truly grasp the impact of your words and actions until your child becomes an adult. Don't let the opportunities to praise them pass you by. Make the effort today.