Surviving Parenthood

by Kirk Kraft

Kirk Kraft of Marysville is married and the father of four children, all under 8 years old, in whom he takes great delight. He believes parenting is a journey filled with joyous peaks and difficult valleys, but it is also the greatest privilege in the world. He can be reached at kraftka@verizon.net.

There are few things more overwhelming for parents than to discover a child has a serious medical condition. When children are ill with a cold or the flu, we comfort them, give them chicken noodle soup and help get the rest necessary for recovery. But what happens when faced with the reality of a flawed or failing organ? And how do parents balance the attention given to that child's condition without sacrificing quality time with their other children?

Our family is currently walking this road. Our six-month-old daughter, Sarah, was diagnosed with biliary atresia as an infant. For the vast majority of people who have never heard of BA, it basically means Sarah has no bile ducts from her liver. This causes a myriad of issues resulting in severe damage to the liver including scarring and hardening. This condition only affects one child in every 30,000 or so, and there is currently no explanation for its occurrence. The damage to the liver can be swift if undetected. Fortunately, Sarah's diagnosis came early enough for preventive action to be taken.

My point in detailing this is simply to say that no one can ever fully know day-to-day what life may hold. You could have a healthy family, living a seemingly mundane existence one day, and experience trauma or heartbreak the next. Disease or a major illness can strike at anytime.

My wife has met many families during her multiple stays at Children's Hospital. These families come from neighboring states and their child's diagnoses run the gamut of heartbreaking, life-threatening illnesses. How do they cope in such circumstances? Our own family has recognized several ways to cope.

First, have a strong support network in place and use it. Having a support system is crucial to a family's well being. This can manifest itself in many ways: providing family meals, scheduling play times for the other children, encouraging the parents while in the hospital, and caring for other children when one parent is at work and the other in the hospital. We have been blessed beyond measure by people sacrificing their own personal time to support our family.

Second, schedule time with your other children. Younger children cannot fully understand why mommy has to run off to the hospital for days at a time. It is difficult for them to imagine why mommy would leave. Therefore, it is essential to spend time with them, to let them know they are loved, and that mommy or daddy has to be gone to care for their brother or sister. Even daily phone contact at bedtime to ask about their day is essential.

Third, have the freedom and safe place to vent, whether to a good friend or through an EAP at your place of employment. It's not healthy to hold all your frustrations inside and sharing can ease the day-to-day stress you may be experiencing.

I hope you find encouragement through these words that no matter what may befall your family, you can make it. You will be strengthened by the experience. It is indeed painful in the moment, perhaps excruciatingly so, but an end will come. Keep the faith.